big envy small love

Grass at neighbor's house always looks greener. It doesn't matter whether you are on the top or the bottom of the chain, we are all human, we never feel satisfied. 

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When people see me initially people may think that I'm outgoing and happy, I love life and such. Reality is.. I always complain about everything to my closest friends and family members. I always tell them how my life never goes like the way I wanted, I always tell them that my friends can do this - why can't I? It's tiring and I really feel like I'm just bringing myself to the bottom more and more.

Most of the time when I hear something that makes me feel 'jelly', I am sure my face will just give it all out. I normally react pretty much right away with some negativity (can be in different forms), and at the end of the day, I feel bad to myself and the 'neighbor'. I feel horrible, why should I feel jealous?

Throughout the process, I learned to analyze my thoughts more after hearing or experiencing something that makes me jealous. I started thinking, "It's fine for one to have a good thing happening to them. It's alright!", "I'm sure they don't have everything in life, everyone has a good and bad side too".. but really it only solves little piece of the issue, I still feel bad for not being happy for what they have. Come on, can you imagine if you say something merry to your friends and they don't congratulate you? What the hail* pardon my English.

I'm not quite there yet, but I found that to live life is to love yourself, and give yourself a pat at the back, then you share your love with others. Everyone has areas where they are good at, areas they are bad at. Emphasize to yourself how and why you are good. Once you've learned how good you are, then you will feel more positive and accepting when you hear good things happening to others.

A few months ago, I feel jealous because people around me can spend money like there is no end to it. I feel small and sad, and I got really jealous to my 'neighbor'. But lately after knowing more people around me, I feel awakened that for some people what we have now is even a luxury: eating out, going to college, spending good times during the weekend. I am lucky enough to be able to go to college easily - my aunt told me that for her and her husband, they never knew if they could pay their next semester's tuition, so they restricted themselves from eating out, shopping, hanging out; they only worked and studied hard.

So, think about it.. first of all hear other people's stories from both sides the ups and the downs. Consider yourself lucky, and love your life. Think about how good and lucky you are living the day that you are living. Be glad and joyous to hear good things happening to others. Be their blessings. 



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