wearing and being

So today there was a Chinese New Year celebration on my campus. It was fun, especially I really loved the food they provided. I decided to wear qi pao (cheongsam) that my mom bought for me when I was back in Indonesia. Qi pao is very pretty while it is also very ethnical.

I am personally wearing it as an art, rather than trying to be one. I love the pattern on this dress, so much. And luckily I got this very pretty flower hairpin from Eva Diva too.

dorcas-qipao, prettyfit-shoes, unbranded cardigan, goldheart and forever 21 accessories

For me, wearing and being is two different thing. Racially I am Chinese born in Indonesia, however I would define myself as an Indonesian. And wearing qipao does not make me any Chinese. Even though I am proud of the Chinese culture, I really love where my heart belongs to.

Sometimes I hate it when people told me I am not Chinese. Well, glad you say it out loud as I said I define myself as an Indonesian. However, it is pretty pathetic for me actually.

It hurts my feeling when people said I am not Chinese because I cannot speak the language, I don't look like one, or those sort of reasons. They are heartkilling.

Personally, I am not claiming at all, really I am true. I just don't want to hear those stupid reason.

First of all, why am I not speaking Chinese (though I understand people's conversation ;p ), that is because I was a lazyass when I was in highschool. I did not want to learn mandarin while most of my friends are taking extra courses for these.

Why do we need to take extra courses? Ah! there was this political crap happened around 1960 ish I believe where speaking, utilizing name, and practicing Chinese language, culture and stuff were prohibited. Hence, most Chinese immigrant who moved to Indonesia need to convert their names, not to learn mandarin at schools anymore, and we did not practice Chinese new year for quite a while (but now we are more liberal). Therefore, I lost that tongue that my grandparents do have. And I use english name instead of my chinese name: Ou Yang Li Feng

Second.. why I hate it when people say I am not one because I don't look like one. Think about it, your face is not only shaped by your genes, ladies and gentleman. Environment : weather, activities, and so on they can modify your look. Being in a tropical country surely turn my skin darker and change how my feature is like. Well now that you know it right?

by the way.. this is just for fun video of me dancing with qipao and heels:

Again, I am really not claiming. I really do not care what people say as my friend told me. If you question yourselves just trust yourselves who you are, who do you think you are from your own heart and thought.

Don't let others piss you off :) I am wearing and being: art - wearing an art and being an art... for me.

Love,

Catherine Catarina Au Jong